Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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