i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I deserve this hangover.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
