he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
