I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
