Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
