I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
