Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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