i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
