I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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