hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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