this just has baby written all over it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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