Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
