If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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