if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
