oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
