Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
