Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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