I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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