lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize