I'm really into asian looking animals
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Pooping to opera.
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