I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I skipped work to stalk him.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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