Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
