Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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