Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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