New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
