I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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