So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
