i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
