Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
