I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
