ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
