Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I supernannyed him into submission
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