I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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