Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
