Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Everclear isn't food dammit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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