What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
