That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
