'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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