I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
