is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
