guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize