the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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