Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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