ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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