I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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