I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
