He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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