No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
