HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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