I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
