can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
