bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
