his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
