i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
