he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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