Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize