Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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