Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
