I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
