I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
