Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
