pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
