i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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