I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
