i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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