Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
