well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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