I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
