She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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