the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
