At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
