you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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